Oreos & Gin

I meant to write this blog around the week 2 mark but i'm kinda glad I waited. This will give an overview of what my experience was like. I think it is important to note that, we are all different so my experience may not look the same as yours. Day 1 A few hours after Surgery I came round to a heavy-ish feeling in my chest and feeling very hazy from the anaesthetic. I hadn't eaten all day so I had some toast at about 6ish. I slept the evening away. I had 3 drains in. I did my first wobbly steps around the ward to use the bathroom. Pain wise , It wasn't as bad as I expected. I only needed paracetamol. Day 2 I felt more human, still tired but in good spirits. my arms felt restricted, I also had a wide dressing all around which i think contributed to that feeling. I got to go home that afternoon. I used my Jen's Pillow for a smoother ride home. That night, I had major anxiety about sleeping in my own bed with my drains. I had images of drains tugging at...

It's been a while since I did a Travel post on here! It's been a Month since I went to Brussels, hard to believe it really. A lot has happened since then! I bought my earlybird ticket last year, I knew i wanted this adventure to look forward to. I really enjoy travelling as you guys know but I'm finding that I enjoy Solo travel too. Having  RA has meant that I have become cautious and my adventurous spirit has been restless. I have learnt not to count myself out too eagerly. My mobility and stamina might be compromised somewhat but I should still be able to taste life.  Although Plannercon itself was exciting, I loved exploring the home of my favourite detective Hercule Poirot. My favourite bit of the weekend was making new friends.  I took the Eurostar and chose the Standard ticket ( no accessibility perks) the first thing I noticed was how far back the chair was. I used my Jacket to create some lumbar support and it was fine. 2 hours later, I was in Bru...

This week has been an intense one. After the shock of receiving my surgery date quite mundanely on the Thursday before Mr B left for his work trip, I quickly reverted to my trusty coping mechanism - PLANNING. I rallied friends to help me pick the boys up from school, one to take them to school on the surgery date, my sister to be home as a contingency & Taxis to drive me about for the week. I agonised over asking friends to pitch in, I’m someone who grew up having to sort her shit out by herself so relying on others doesn’t come naturally, I lamented to geographically distant friends about my conundrum, my fear of appearing to take liberties but they rightly assured me that I should ask. I’m so glad I did because the response was amazing and a MASSIVE weight off my shoulders. I felt so loved. The actual date came, Tuesday. Everything ran with Miltary precision. The taxi was on time, We dropped the boys en route to the hospital and I was at the reception desk with 5 mins to...

As a very vocal introverted INFJ , Friendships have always been peculiar to me. I’m very friendly, easy to get along with HOWEVER, I can count on my fingers the amount of close friends I have. I find it very difficult to be part of a group. My independent streak is way too strong.  Growing up, I always wanted a Anne/Diana kind of friendship which I did have from age 2-11. I think to evaluate my social circles at present, my husband is my bestest friend. Then I have friends from the different circles I frequent, then acquaintances (I have tons of those) .  When I became a Mum the first time, I found it particularly lonely because although I had lots of friends to do things with only a handful actually got to know the real me and the shit I was dealing with (and for them I’m so grateful) Vulnerability doesn’t come easy to me, having grown up in an environment where that was used to hurt you. I’m slowly absorbing the Brenè Brown idea that vulnerability equals strengt...

If you know me in real life, You would have noticed that I have been growing out my grade 2 fro. I spoke about my hair being a reliable barometer for my internal health in the past. This I think is still a fair assessment. I was going away for the weekend and my plan was to use my time on the mainland to get my hair twisted. This wasn't meant to be though as I was let down by the hairdresser ( with a very condescending "Sorry Sweetie" *eye roll*) So I needed to get my hair sorted. On Thursday evening, Whilst I watched Death in Paradise, I got my supplies together. These were Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Hold and Shine Mist Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie Denman Detangling Brush Spray Bottle Olive Oil I started by spraying each section with the mist, moisturising it, detangling with the Brush before finally twisting it. I then sealed with the oil.  Paying attention to the front, I made sure to part it the way I wante...

I’ve always loved writing. Ever since I could really. It was my salvation from a world that didn’t understand me. I used to write stories about the life I wanted. It felt like something Enid Blyton would’ve written. Except I wasn’t an English writer who made children’s imaginations run wild. I was a 6 year old who lived in Nigeria, with a very confusing relationship with her distant dad. I still wanted to live in Honeysuckle Cottage down a country lane somewhere. I kept writing to process the perils of growing up in a popularity contest also known as Boarding School. I gave my characters slightly disguised pseudonyms to the peers I struggled to connect with (& those I did connect with - no one was spared!) I always kept a journal. I remember my mum saying to me at age 11, that I shouldn’t as people always end up reading it. It was irony indeed at 14 when she was the one who invaded my privacy. After that, I was cautious but I couldn’t stay away so I started another at 15, in a...

Happy New Year! I’m so glad to be writing not just for the sake of venting. But just writing! Woohoo! This is the first year I haven’t set goals for myself. When it came to choosing my word for the year, I decided on “ Being”. After the utter shithole of a year I had in 2018, the most important thing to me is not how many miles I’ve run, what races I’m doing, what job goals to smash, I’ll be focusing on just being. Not achieving, Just being. This is harder that you think it is by the way. My mind is 150 miles per hour and being mindful is hard work. Not taking on too much is tough. Not setting huge goals is ridiculously tricky.  That’s just how I’ve always been. This is not to say I don’t have things I’m working on this year, the key difference is the lack of pressure attached to them. I’m working with guidelines. For example : Write More, Finish your Course by June. Simplicity . For a long time, I've been wondering of oreos & gin is still a good fit for me, I...

Back in the spring when I started having what I can only describe as the worst pain ever, I didn't know how things would pan out for me. I've been through some really dark times (even for me .. *titter* ) I went from full pelt Half Marathon Training (my last run being just over 10 miles) to hobbling out of bed and struggling with the stairs. I was going to run for Plan International The worst thing for me was aside from my obviously painful swollen ankles, I looked the same. It didn't seem like my whole body was on fire. The crippling fatigue & worst still the shroud of hopelessness that engulfed me. I didn't miss one day of work even though some days i'd rather be knocked out than endure one second of the day. I still did the parent thing. The partner thing. The business owner thing. I now know better because yet again, I pushed through and would end up crashing at weekends. It all started with a mass in my breast. I wrote about it here &...

Do you ever have those days when all you can say is “how the fuck is this my life?” Sometimes said in a Wow! I’m killing it but mostly said in bewilderment. I try and be present and aware of  what’s happening around me & within me, however I’m also guilty of zoning out and getting through my days in a perpetual daze. Occasionally you look up and you are stunned at what your life has become. When this happens, you may be anxious or feel helpless about where you’ve ended up. Either through your own choices or the cards you’ve been dealt. I just wanted to write today, it’s never too late to make changes in order to achieve the life you want. I’ve been saying that phrase lately but I know that life changes and we’ve got to adapt the best way we know how. So for me, I know with my new diagnosis, I can’t take on as much like I used to. I need to give myself wiggle room in my schedule. I have to be kind to myself and say no to things I really want to do so I can function be...

Since that weekend where my life seemed to pause, and I realised that though the BC Scare was over, I had yet more battles to fight, I have been struggling physically (to be fair emotionally too). I am now hubbling instead of running or walking, getting in and out of the bath not to talk of the 24/7 pain . I’ve had bloods done & have been put on starter meds. My joints are very painful & swollen. My immune system is very angry. Yet coping with the everyday has been very tricky. I still have a very busy life to lead & responsibilities to carry. However, I started doing some morning salutations just to get me going and today I went to my usual 2 hr class and my teacher was amazing at checking if the poses felt ok. If they didn’t, she offered me props to help and if they didn’t , she gave me an alternative. I was so happy that I was doing it! Afterwards, I stopped at the beach (my happy place) just so my swollen painful joints could bathe in the sea. Th...

I wondered what to call this blog post. I thought, my body & I but that seemed too general. You see there is this narrative about how my body is trying to ruin my life but i don't think that's what is actually happening.  Let's not deviate though, I wanted to write specifically about my breasts. When I first got them I was 7/8 (i.e same age as my son is now) I honestly hated them. I was one of the boys until they arrived and then suddenly I went from climbing trees, riding around the neighbourhood on my bike with the guys to being told not to do those things anymore. Close your legs Lucy. Sit like a lady. I was being catcalled as I walked the streets by grown men. People changed the way they behaved towards me and also tried to modify my behaviour. I hated it. I hated my breasts so I wore baggy tops and walked hunched over - literally. I wanted to disappear. So I did to boarding school. The first term I had grown from an "A" Cup to a "C" Cup r...

im sorry for the vague blog post. This is a mind dump.  There are times when I forget until I remember. I feel like I’m in Limbo at the moment . My plans, dreams & hopes have a question mark. I’m trying to be normal & go about my routine but I’m scared shitless.   All I know is that it gets overwhelming at the moment whilst I wait. There’s this metaphorical bomb. I can feel it.  The waiting is the hardest bit. 

I did RED January and here's what I learnt:  January is a long brutal month so getting outside is a prerequisite to survive it.  It's wet & some of your usual routes may not be the best at this time of year!  Most of the time you'll have to run in the dark but you'll love it anyway - Be Safe, Be Seen!  Sometimes you get the best of the Winter Sun and everything just clicks into place. You get braver and end up going to Park Run for a strong finish, your limbs hate you but your mind loves you.  IOW MEDINA Parkrun - Photo Credit : Peter Billington I'm training for a half marathon as you know so I made it through January by Walking, Running, Pilates, Yoga & Rowing.  To wrap up, doing RED January meant that I started the year so low, lacking confidence in everything about myself. I'm talking everything. I slowly built myself up until the voices that were a roaring, ...