Oreos & Gin

So it’s my last day being 34. This year, for me, has been one of getting to know myself even more than I thought I did. It was also a year where I got to show up for myself.  This year showed me that I could face my fears, conquer them and excel. It showed me that I am worth all the compassion and love I give to all those who know me. It showed me that I’m worth spending hard-earned money to get a better quality of life.  It showed me that I can show up for myself when people decide not to show up for me. It showed me that the friends I have made during my metamorphosis, who also were on the journey of self-discovery, are amazing people who let me be my whole self.  It made me realise that I can and will change things if they no longer serve me. This year, I’ve been able to begin the journey of unmasking and stop trying to fit the Neurotypical view of self. This year, I have met kindred spirits. I have realised there is nothing greater than being known completely and hone...

It's been a while since I did a Travel post on here! It's been a Month since I went to Brussels, hard to believe it really. A lot has happened since then! I bought my earlybird ticket last year, I knew i wanted this adventure to look forward to. I really enjoy travelling as you guys know but I'm finding that I enjoy Solo travel too. Having  RA has meant that I have become cautious and my adventurous spirit has been restless. I have learnt not to count myself out too eagerly. My mobility and stamina might be compromised somewhat but I should still be able to taste life.  Although Plannercon itself was exciting, I loved exploring the home of my favourite detective Hercule Poirot. My favourite bit of the weekend was making new friends.  I took the Eurostar and chose the Standard ticket ( no accessibility perks) the first thing I noticed was how far back the chair was. I used my Jacket to create some lumbar support and it was fine. 2 hours later, I was in Bru...

This week has been an intense one. After the shock of receiving my surgery date quite mundanely on the Thursday before Mr B left for his work trip, I quickly reverted to my trusty coping mechanism - PLANNING. I rallied friends to help me pick the boys up from school, one to take them to school on the surgery date, my sister to be home as a contingency & Taxis to drive me about for the week. I agonised over asking friends to pitch in, I’m someone who grew up having to sort her shit out by herself so relying on others doesn’t come naturally, I lamented to geographically distant friends about my conundrum, my fear of appearing to take liberties but they rightly assured me that I should ask. I’m so glad I did because the response was amazing and a MASSIVE weight off my shoulders. I felt so loved. The actual date came, Tuesday. Everything ran with Miltary precision. The taxi was on time, We dropped the boys en route to the hospital and I was at the reception desk with 5 mins to...

As a very vocal introverted INFJ , Friendships have always been peculiar to me. I’m very friendly, easy to get along with HOWEVER, I can count on my fingers the amount of close friends I have. I find it very difficult to be part of a group. My independent streak is way too strong.  Growing up, I always wanted a Anne/Diana kind of friendship which I did have from age 2-11. I think to evaluate my social circles at present, my husband is my bestest friend. Then I have friends from the different circles I frequent, then acquaintances (I have tons of those) .  When I became a Mum the first time, I found it particularly lonely because although I had lots of friends to do things with only a handful actually got to know the real me and the shit I was dealing with (and for them I’m so grateful) Vulnerability doesn’t come easy to me, having grown up in an environment where that was used to hurt you. I’m slowly absorbing the Brenè Brown idea that vulnerability equals strengt...

I’ve been a plethora of emotions this past weekend.... yesterday was particularly ridiculous. One minute I was pottering, doing my thing next I was cross, sad, happy. My heart knows. Even when my brain hasn’t clicked yet. The 10th of December,2005 will always be significant to me. That’s the date I came face to face with grief.  My cousin, Owanari died that day. Before then when people I loved died, like my grandma in 1999, for example I was sad. But for some reason maybe a combination of our close relationship & my age at the time , I was a walking wound when Owanari died . I couldn’t sleep for months, and my eyes would just start leaking without me knowing. Every time the story came on the news, it would lead me to obsessively research the incident . I wanted to know everything about what happened. This year, I just want to share some memories I have of her. My earliest is one Christmas, I was staying with them that year whilst my mum did her Masters. Santa brought me...

" She's got lions in her heart A fire in her soul he's a got a beast In his belly that's so hard to control Cause they've taken too much hits, taking blow by blow Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode When you've been fighting for it all your life You've been struggling to make things right That's a how a superhero learns to fly (Every day, every hour, turn that pain into power)" ~ Superheroes, The Script  My favourite Irish rockers are back on the scene so that means going through their back catalogues in readiness for what I'm sure will be an awesome album release.  Anyway, I actually listened to the lyrics even more closely than I usually do and these words have taken on huge huge significance for me. This past year 2016/2017 has shown me a lot about life, love, pain & what you ultimately do with it. I have a few friends (old & new) who inspire me everyday in how they handle thei...