Oreos & Gin

Okay, so since the last time I wrote here, I have realised something about myself. It's bloody obvious when I look back, to be honest. I'm Neurodivergent. I thrive off Dopamine. I get overwhelmed very quickly, and once something doesn't hold my focus, we can kiss goodbye to me engaging. This is the same reason I can't ever stick to a skincare routine - Good props to me still doing the daytime one, though; nighttime is another matter altogether. Since I realised this and other people affirming my thoughts around this, I know the reason why I am successful in life is because of the systems I have in place. I'm now at a point where I am intentionally working with the wiring of my brain rather than beating myself up. So what does this mean for this space? I'm going to write as much as I can. I have missed having a space to write for myself. What can you expect? I know over the last few years, this blog has focused on my chronic illnesses - because it was cons...

 Hello!  Seashell made from Sand It has been a long time since I've written here. My creativity seems to die each time I struggle with my day-to-day life. This past year has been a corker, to say the least. I don't know if I've outgrown writing in this space or just needing a fresh start somewhere else. THIS was meant to be my fresh start, so I know running away and beginning anew won't do.  I want to write more. The irony is I write as my day job. But I mean a different kind of writing. I want to write about the changes in me as I head directly towards my mid-30s. Nothing makes me feel old, like my eldest turning 10 nearly a month ago.  Life feels overwhelming, and I'm just starting to breathe again, so I have time to explore what it means to live in my body, mind, and soul in the 21st century.  I have lots to explore.  So stick around!

  Happy New Year!  What a year 2020 was. I’m hoping that the last year's relentlessness would reduce and I’ll have more mental space to nurture my writing this year.  I was amazed I managed to do two freelance articles when I was deep in the postpartum phase. That was quite hard on me, but I am self-aware enough to notice why I put myself through that.  It’s as though I wanted to remind myself that I could still do it. Knowing that for the next year at least, I will be grappling with my identity once more.  So with all the hope of a new year, I am setting the intention to write more and by correlation, make this blog more active! I am also going to journal as regularly as I used to. Since the birth of my daughter, my self care has gone down the pan. I’ll going to be trying to reclaim that.  Thank you for coming along!

Let's just come out and say it. The good intentions are there. I mean, I can't count the number of times I have opened my Chromebook to do a blog post and nothing materialising. It sucks how closed off creatively I am when I'm pregnant. I really want to document my new baby's first year like I did with the other two. Although that blog isn't public anymore, It exists - 6 years of my life is on that blog guys. I have loved reading all the posts from when I was deep in the baby stage again. I will make it a book one day for the boys. That is such a precious gift and I want to give her the same. I was meant to write a series of articles for Arthur's Place but because I've just had it tough this pregnancy, nothing's come of it. It makes me a bit disappointed in myself but I just have to remember that i'm dealing with a lot right now.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat down with my laptop to do some writing and come up short. For most people, they find being pregnant a very creative time. But so far in all 3 pregnancies, it’s a drought.  I’m just going to be honest about it & why I feel it’s that way.  Usually, I’m depressed right through my pregnancy. My anxiety is raging and I have an almighty urge to run away. This time, I haven’t suffered with depression (even my Winter variety ... touch wood)  I find pregnancy hardwork not just on my body (my conditions go a bit crazy except RA, it’s chilled right down yay!) but on my mind. I worry about everything even more than I usually do.  People say, pregnancy suits me which on the surface it does, but I do not feel as good as I look.  I deal with it all by prepping and planning & researching things. I set goals to help me see that I am progressing and doing so well. My health professionals are so suppo...

I still have my boobs for all of 34 hours 23 minutes and counting. It is a strange place to be let me tell you. I have joined a number of Mastectomy groups to help me cope with everything and I have learnt a lot. I have also realised a few things. I fall into a weird group where I don't have Cancer (as far as i know), the Mastectomy isn't purely Prophylactic as in the case of those with the BRCA gene (therefore high risk for cancer) . I'm as usual, an oddity. A medical marvel that experienced doctors can't fathom. Yet, I have found myself rejoicing, empathising & mourning with these women in my phone. At the end of the day, suffering is suffering. Pain is Pain and we all end up living our lives sans boobies. Another thing that I've realised is my attitude to Cancer. I honestly don't know if it's a good thing or not. However, living with several  lifelong conditions mean that I do ruminate quite frequently about my own mortality. I spent the next fe...

Ever since I was diagnosed last year with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I have been searching for a way to get back to enjoying movement. Prior to diagnosis, I loved to run. Being out in the woods with just the trees and the animals was my favourite thing to do. I wasn’t fond of pounding the pavements, for many reasons, but in the woods, I felt free and was able to push myself, or just wander. I was actually training for a half-marathon with only two weeks to go when symptoms appeared. At first, I didn’t think it was anything as my training was pretty gruelling. One day, after a long run, I took a nap and woke up with the worst pain ever, as well as feeling feverish. That was that, no more long runs for me since that day. I went through all the steps in the cycle of grief. I have finally gotten to a place of acceptance and along with that, I have found that although it hurts initially, exercise does help keep me mobile.. I wrote this post originally for Arthur's Place! To read t...

I think most writers would've experienced the frustration of the persistent blank page at one time or another in their lives. Lately, that's all I've experienced. It's like my brain is so tired to be creative. I figured the only way to by pass this stage and move on is by writing about the experience therefore conquering the blank page! (see what I did there?) Hopefully, my plan works out. I just had a brain wave - Maybe you could suggest things you want me to write about?  ANYTHING (within reason - I am pretty open though) Hope to hear from you, Lucy

I’ve always loved writing. Ever since I could really. It was my salvation from a world that didn’t understand me. I used to write stories about the life I wanted. It felt like something Enid Blyton would’ve written. Except I wasn’t an English writer who made children’s imaginations run wild. I was a 6 year old who lived in Nigeria, with a very confusing relationship with her distant dad. I still wanted to live in Honeysuckle Cottage down a country lane somewhere. I kept writing to process the perils of growing up in a popularity contest also known as Boarding School. I gave my characters slightly disguised pseudonyms to the peers I struggled to connect with (& those I did connect with - no one was spared!) I always kept a journal. I remember my mum saying to me at age 11, that I shouldn’t as people always end up reading it. It was irony indeed at 14 when she was the one who invaded my privacy. After that, I was cautious but I couldn’t stay away so I started another at 15, in a...