Oreos & Gin

I wondered what to call this blog post. I thought, my body & I but that seemed too general. You see there is this narrative about how my body is trying to ruin my life but i don't think that's what is actually happening.  Let's not deviate though, I wanted to write specifically about my breasts. When I first got them I was 7/8 (i.e same age as my son is now) I honestly hated them. I was one of the boys until they arrived and then suddenly I went from climbing trees, riding around the neighbourhood on my bike with the guys to being told not to do those things anymore. Close your legs Lucy. Sit like a lady. I was being catcalled as I walked the streets by grown men. People changed the way they behaved towards me and also tried to modify my behaviour. I hated it. I hated my breasts so I wore baggy tops and walked hunched over - literally. I wanted to disappear. So I did to boarding school. The first term I had grown from an "A" Cup to a "C" Cup r...

im sorry for the vague blog post. This is a mind dump.  There are times when I forget until I remember. I feel like I’m in Limbo at the moment . My plans, dreams & hopes have a question mark. I’m trying to be normal & go about my routine but I’m scared shitless.   All I know is that it gets overwhelming at the moment whilst I wait. There’s this metaphorical bomb. I can feel it.  The waiting is the hardest bit. 

Over the last few months of training for my half marathon, i’ve Realised how much running depends on your mental resilience. If there is one trait that I’m 100% confident in , that would be it. There are many many things that have happened to me that I have bounced back from thanks to resilience. Now I also know on the flip side that if I let my mind win, I’m toast. Ask my personal trainer. I may have a bad run because my mind has taken me down a rabbit hole of negative self talk. I come back feeling like shit. Start to spiral, then I catch myself. This is where a good mantra comes in. Mine is simple. That’s the simple affirmation that I use all the time, not just in running but in life too. It’s true and it gets me way past my brain when it matters most. “I can do hard things.”