Oreos & Gin

So it’s my last day being 34. This year, for me, has been one of getting to know myself even more than I thought I did. It was also a year where I got to show up for myself.  This year showed me that I could face my fears, conquer them and excel. It showed me that I am worth all the compassion and love I give to all those who know me. It showed me that I’m worth spending hard-earned money to get a better quality of life.  It showed me that I can show up for myself when people decide not to show up for me. It showed me that the friends I have made during my metamorphosis, who also were on the journey of self-discovery, are amazing people who let me be my whole self.  It made me realise that I can and will change things if they no longer serve me. This year, I’ve been able to begin the journey of unmasking and stop trying to fit the Neurotypical view of self. This year, I have met kindred spirits. I have realised there is nothing greater than being known completely and hone...

 My memories for last year on Facebook are thin. But today was a MASSIVE day in our lives. One we will never forget.  After feeling absolutely rotten for 3 weeks, and having missed my 2nd cycle, I decided to test because well that’s the only thing I hadn’t done to provoke its arrival - that pregnancy test didn’t even waste time and a very bewildered me, walked into our bedroom to show Mark. We spent the day poorly and shocked to our cores. We looked at each other and said “F*CK!!! “ a lot 🤣🤣 Our amazing daughter was on her way!  The next few days were a blur. Drs visits & an early scan were I was told I had options if I didn’t want to go through with it (I’m glad we live in a country where that’s the case btw) but in my heart I knew, I loved that little fetus already.  Then there was worries and conversations with specialist pharmacists over the water due to my meds - thankfully I had switched from a more toxic one a mere 6 months earlier.  Oh and the fact...

On Sunday the 3rd of May, 2020, I woke up early after continuous vivid pregnancy dreams. It was about 4.30 am that I decided I had enough. I had dreamt that Ada came early and that we were not ready at all . If only I knew the half of it.  Mark made us breakfast and we watched Guardians of the Galaxy. I was feeling odd but not sure why so I took a nap once the film was over. Whilst sleeping, I felt a bulging but dismissed it as me needing a wee.    A few moments later, my waters went. I momentarily freaked out. I was only 35+3 weeks pregnant , nowhere near term.  I tried to get Mark’s attention via the Alexas in the house. He finally came up with cups of tea not realising the urgency I had wanted him up for.    I told him my waters had gone and I started to sob. He managed to calm me down enough to ring the maternity ward and they said we should come in . Before we got there, we had to organise childcare and our lovely babysitter Charley was availa...

Thank you Thia from The Honest Mums Club for tagging me so I can share my experience of being pregnant in a pandemic. I'm currently in my 34th week of pregnancy with just under 1 month to go before Little Miss arrives earthside and I can tell you that Covid19 has done a doozy on my experience. This is going to be my last pregnancy and so I really wanted it to be special - I think we've achieved that in a twisted way. When I thought of my 3rd trimester, I had images of me nesting in the day, having naps and chilling by the beach until it was time to pick the boys up from schoool. Sounds blissful right? What I ended up with is a lockdown with no end in sight. Having to do home learning with the boys who are fed up of being stuck indoors with me. I wish I wasn't immunosuppressed coz then I could take them out but I cant so they are stuck with the garden. Which to be honest, they are very lucky to have. It could be much worse not having any outdoor space. As for Ante...

Let's just come out and say it. The good intentions are there. I mean, I can't count the number of times I have opened my Chromebook to do a blog post and nothing materialising. It sucks how closed off creatively I am when I'm pregnant. I really want to document my new baby's first year like I did with the other two. Although that blog isn't public anymore, It exists - 6 years of my life is on that blog guys. I have loved reading all the posts from when I was deep in the baby stage again. I will make it a book one day for the boys. That is such a precious gift and I want to give her the same. I was meant to write a series of articles for Arthur's Place but because I've just had it tough this pregnancy, nothing's come of it. It makes me a bit disappointed in myself but I just have to remember that i'm dealing with a lot right now.

This past half term holiday, We ( My Hubby, Sons & Myself) travelled to Lancaster. We have spent most of our Holidays down south. So Devon, Cornwall & Dorset. We've done Somerset & parts of Wales too. Anyway, We decided to start exploring the North. We did the Yorkshire Moors a few years ago and I did love how the landscape & architecture defers from down here. I've been reading a lot of Milly Johnson books too. They are typically set in Yorkshire so I've been eager to get up there. Our caravan was in the seaside town of Morecambe. The caravan park did shock us a little with how populated it was. There were A LOT of caravans. We aren't used to resorts like that, there was less greenery that we liked in the park. However, thankfully we don't tend to spend ages on the resort itself. We like to go out and explore the area. We walked into the town centre and saw how rundown bits of it was (like most high streets in the UK currently) , We then st...

It's been a while since I did a Travel post on here! It's been a Month since I went to Brussels, hard to believe it really. A lot has happened since then! I bought my earlybird ticket last year, I knew i wanted this adventure to look forward to. I really enjoy travelling as you guys know but I'm finding that I enjoy Solo travel too. Having  RA has meant that I have become cautious and my adventurous spirit has been restless. I have learnt not to count myself out too eagerly. My mobility and stamina might be compromised somewhat but I should still be able to taste life.  Although Plannercon itself was exciting, I loved exploring the home of my favourite detective Hercule Poirot. My favourite bit of the weekend was making new friends.  I took the Eurostar and chose the Standard ticket ( no accessibility perks) the first thing I noticed was how far back the chair was. I used my Jacket to create some lumbar support and it was fine. 2 hours later, I was in Bru...

I’ve always loved writing. Ever since I could really. It was my salvation from a world that didn’t understand me. I used to write stories about the life I wanted. It felt like something Enid Blyton would’ve written. Except I wasn’t an English writer who made children’s imaginations run wild. I was a 6 year old who lived in Nigeria, with a very confusing relationship with her distant dad. I still wanted to live in Honeysuckle Cottage down a country lane somewhere. I kept writing to process the perils of growing up in a popularity contest also known as Boarding School. I gave my characters slightly disguised pseudonyms to the peers I struggled to connect with (& those I did connect with - no one was spared!) I always kept a journal. I remember my mum saying to me at age 11, that I shouldn’t as people always end up reading it. It was irony indeed at 14 when she was the one who invaded my privacy. After that, I was cautious but I couldn’t stay away so I started another at 15, in a...

I wondered what to call this blog post. I thought, my body & I but that seemed too general. You see there is this narrative about how my body is trying to ruin my life but i don't think that's what is actually happening.  Let's not deviate though, I wanted to write specifically about my breasts. When I first got them I was 7/8 (i.e same age as my son is now) I honestly hated them. I was one of the boys until they arrived and then suddenly I went from climbing trees, riding around the neighbourhood on my bike with the guys to being told not to do those things anymore. Close your legs Lucy. Sit like a lady. I was being catcalled as I walked the streets by grown men. People changed the way they behaved towards me and also tried to modify my behaviour. I hated it. I hated my breasts so I wore baggy tops and walked hunched over - literally. I wanted to disappear. So I did to boarding school. The first term I had grown from an "A" Cup to a "C" Cup r...

I’ve been a plethora of emotions this past weekend.... yesterday was particularly ridiculous. One minute I was pottering, doing my thing next I was cross, sad, happy. My heart knows. Even when my brain hasn’t clicked yet. The 10th of December,2005 will always be significant to me. That’s the date I came face to face with grief.  My cousin, Owanari died that day. Before then when people I loved died, like my grandma in 1999, for example I was sad. But for some reason maybe a combination of our close relationship & my age at the time , I was a walking wound when Owanari died . I couldn’t sleep for months, and my eyes would just start leaking without me knowing. Every time the story came on the news, it would lead me to obsessively research the incident . I wanted to know everything about what happened. This year, I just want to share some memories I have of her. My earliest is one Christmas, I was staying with them that year whilst my mum did her Masters. Santa brought me...