Skip to main content

Chapter 34

So it’s my last day being 34. This year, for me, has been one of getting to know myself even more than I thought I did. It was also a year where I got to show up for myself.


 This year showed me that I could face my fears, conquer them and excel. It showed me that I am worth all the compassion and love I give to all those who know me. It showed me that I’m worth spending hard-earned money to get a better quality of life.

 It showed me that I can show up for myself when people decide not to show up for me. It showed me that the friends I have made during my metamorphosis, who also were on the journey of self-discovery, are amazing people who let me be my whole self.



 It made me realise that I can and will change things if they no longer serve me. This year, I’ve been able to begin the journey of unmasking and stop trying to fit the Neurotypical view of self. This year, I have met kindred spirits. I have realised there is nothing greater than being known completely and honestly. I am unlearning a lifetime of habits, but the one that I absolutely must obliterate is the notion that my productivity dictates my worth. It is a fallacy, and I’m looking forward to finally letting myself be. 

I’m grateful for my family’s love and support through this journey, and if 34 was anything to go by, I’m looking forward to 35. Let’s get it!

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What to put in your Hospital Bag for a Mastectomy

I have scrawled across the internet , read lots of blogs and watched lots of videos. Most of which were of an American slant. I have come to the conclusion that the American hospital system is very different to our good old NHS. I asked lots of people who have been through this too. I also used information from the booklet entitled "Planned Admissions" which I was given when I went in for my Wide Excision back in March.  Putting all the above to use, here is what I have packed in my hospital bag . Most British hospitals do not have vast amount of space so you are advised to bring a soft bag not a suitcase. I chose my favourite Cath Kidston X Disney Peter Pan Tote. It's not a big bag either. George Post Surgery PJs (with internal drain management pockets. George Post Surgery Dressing Gown (also with Drain Management) My trusty bedroom boots Fleece Blanket Spare underwear Toiletry bag containing Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Deodorant, Face cream Naty Baby Eco Wipes...
Post a Comment
Read more

Living with Invisible Disabilities

  It’s been a year since my hysterectomy.   I had wanted to share how much my life has improved since which in some respects it has.  But unfortunately for me, I still have other lifelong conditions that disable me daily. So although, it’s a relief not to have to deal with the debilitating gynaecological pain that I suffered with for over 20 years, Life continues to be a struggle.  I was trying to create a TikTok video and was looking for pictures to help illustrate how hard things were but there was no evidence of my struggle.  The trauma, the pain, the scarring. The panic, the anxiety & loss are all invisible.  I have nothing tangible to show the hell that I’ve lived through.    In the words of my heroes, Maya Angelou, “Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise” I will keep rising for as long as I can.  I owe it to myself....
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you & yours. My word for 2017 was BRAVE. I used that word to push myself away from letting my fears control how I lived. 2017 my year of brave helped me achieve: Going to the Photography Show on my own... I learnt so much and I decided to turn pro.  I signed up for my big fat crazy goal of running a half marathon.... I hadn’t quite conquered 10Ks then....I have now!  I ran the RunDisney 10K in Paris I launched my Etsy Shop I applied & got a job where I get to be at the coal face of empowering women from all backgrounds  I started my feature writing course I faced some rather huge personal obstacles - including a laparoscopy which I wanted but was terrified about I came off my antidepressants , and have been working hard at managing my illness.  You know the phrase, “Fake it till you make it”? Sometimes I didn’t feel brave at all. Sometimes I was so crushed by the fear & the “what ifs” that I honestly didn’t kno...
Post a Comment
Read more