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Lockdown Musings : Where’s all the unbiased bottle feeding info?

I’ve decided to start a new “series” on my blog during this Lock-down.
How are you all doing with the Lock-down? 🔐 I’ve been doing some Home Learning with my boys (we have Fridays off thank goodness) and I’m prepping for our new arrival. One of the ways I’m doing this is by reading. I dusted off my “The Baby Book” by Dr Sears , re read “Gentle Parenting “ by Sarah Ockwell Smith (I wanted to remind myself about the 4th trimester) & I was looking for a book about bottle feeding (with special requirements). This proved harder to find.

As you know, I had a double mastectomy 9 months ago and prior to that, I breastfed my boys for 3 years each (through allergies, tongue ties & aversions) added to that I’m a trained Breastfeeding Peer Supporter. So I’m firmly on the breastfeeding train.

I wasn’t planning on having more babies (this isn’t a secret - check out the #lastbaby on LJ’s multiple photos on my Instagram profile) so the biggest blow to me wasn’t our surprise baby but the fac…

I'm Pretty Sh*t at This

Let's just come out and say it. The good intentions are there. I mean, I can't count the number of times I have opened my Chromebook to do a blog post and nothing materialising. It sucks how closed off creatively I am when I'm pregnant. I really want to document my new baby's first year like I did with the other two. Although that blog isn't public anymore, It exists - 6 years of my life is on that blog guys. I have loved reading all the posts from when I was deep in the baby stage again. I will make it a book one day for the boys. That is such a precious gift and I want to give her the same. I was meant to write a series of articles for Arthur's Place but because I've just had it tough this pregnancy, nothing's come of it. It makes me a bit disappointed in myself but I just have to remember that i'm dealing with a lot right now.

Where is my Writing Mojo?!

I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat down with my laptop to do some writing and come up short. For most people, they find being pregnant a very creative time. But so far in all 3 pregnancies, it’s a drought.  I’m just going to be honest about it & why I feel it’s that way. 


Usually, I’m depressed right through my pregnancy. My anxiety is raging and I have an almighty urge to run away. This time, I haven’t suffered with depression (even my Winter variety ... touch wood) 
I find pregnancy hardwork not just on my body (my conditions go a bit crazy except RA, it’s chilled right down yay!) but on my mind. I worry about everything even more than I usually do. 
People say, pregnancy suits me which on the surface it does, but I do not feel as good as I look. 
I deal with it all by prepping and planning & researching things. I set goals to help me see that I am progressing and doing so well. My health professionals are so supportive and they also help me see I’m doing well. My family …

Feeling a bit Overwhelmed ? Me too!

So we have survived the Summer, Gave our children some fab memories and sent them off for a new term at school (or not). You have tried to get back into your normal routine whilst getting ready for the season ahead.

There is that sense of dread right in your gut. You wonder why you feel that way but no answers at the moment. You have that cup of motivational Coffee and try to push through but that urge to run away or at the very least build yourself a duvet fort is Strong and unrelenting.

What is WRONG with me?!!!!

You start to doubt your abilities and you can see your thoughts start to spiral (because surprise, you've been here before!)

STOP. BREATHE.

Ring someone you trust, Remind yourself about all the times you've been here and HOW you bounced back. Write a blog post after that eureka moment. Anything to stop the Thoughts >Feelings >Mood cycle.

This is the one thing I learnt at CBT that has actually stayed with me.

Cut yourself some slack, it's probably not as bad…

Double Mastectomy Recovery - No Reconstruction (The First Few Weeks)

I meant to write this blog around the week 2 mark but i'm kinda glad I waited. This will give an overview of what my experience was like. I think it is important to note that, we are all different so my experience may not look the same as yours.

Day 1

I came round to a heavy-ish feeling in my chest and feeling very hazy from the anaesthetic. I hadn't eaten all day so I had some toast at about 6ish. I slept the evening away. I had 3 drains in. I did my first wobbly steps around the ward to use the bathroom. Pain wise , It wasn't as bad as I expected. I only needed paracetamol.


Day 2

I felt more human, still tired but in good spirits. my arms felt restricted, I also had a wide dressing all around which i think contributed to that feeling. I got to go home that afternoon. I used my Jen's Pillow for a smoother ride home. That night, I had major anxiety about sleeping in my own bed with my drains. I had images of drains tugging at night and blood soaked sheets. My husband helpe…

What to put in your Hospital Bag for a Mastectomy

I have scrawled across the internet , read lots of blogs and watched lots of videos. Most of which were of an American slant. I have come to the conclusion that the American hospital system is very different to our good old NHS. I asked lots of people who have been through this too. I also used information from the booklet entitled "Planned Admissions" which I was given when I went in for my Wide Excision back in March.  Putting all the above to use, here is what I have packed in my hospital bag .

Most British hospitals do not have vast amount of space so you are advised to bring a soft bag not a suitcase. I chose my favourite Cath Kidston X Disney Peter Pan Tote. It's not a big bag either.


George Post Surgery PJs (with internal drain management pockets.George Post Surgery Dressing Gown (also with Drain Management)My trusty bedroom bootsFleece BlanketSpare underwearToiletry bag containing Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Deodorant, Face creamNaty Baby Eco Wipes Spare changePrescri…

My Breasts & I - Part 3

I still have my boobs for all of 34 hours 23 minutes and counting.
It is a strange place to be let me tell you. I have joined a number of Mastectomy groups to help me cope with everything and I have learnt a lot. I have also realised a few things. I fall into a weird group where I don't have Cancer (as far as i know), the Mastectomy isn't purely Prophylactic as in the case of those with the BRCA gene (therefore high risk for cancer) . I'm as usual, an oddity.

A medical marvel that experienced doctors can't fathom. Yet, I have found myself rejoicing, empathising & mourning with these women in my phone. At the end of the day, suffering is suffering. Pain is Pain and we all end up living our lives sans boobies.

Another thing that I've realised is my attitude to Cancer. I honestly don't know if it's a good thing or not. However, living with several  lifelong conditions mean that I do ruminate quite frequently about my own mortality. I spent the next few mon…