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Showing posts from April, 2018

How the eff is this my life? - Moving Forward After a Hard Knock.

Do you ever have those days when all you can say is “how the fuck is this my life?” Sometimes said in a Wow! I’m killing it but mostly said in bewilderment. I try and be present and aware of  what’s happening around me & within me, however I’m also guilty of zoning out and getting through my days in a perpetual daze. Occasionally you look up and you are stunned at what your life has become. When this happens, you may be anxious or feel helpless about where you’ve ended up. Either through your own choices or the cards you’ve been dealt. I just wanted to write today, it’s never too late to make changes in order to achieve the life you want. I’ve been saying that phrase lately but I know that life changes and we’ve got to adapt the best way we know how. So for me, I know with my new diagnosis, I can’t take on as much like I used to. I need to give myself wiggle room in my schedule. I have to be kind to myself and say no to things I really want to do so I can function better

Yay for Yin Yoga

Since that weekend where my life seemed to pause, and I realised that though the BC Scare was over, I had yet more battles to fight, I have been struggling physically (to be fair emotionally too). I am now hubbling instead of running or walking, getting in and out of the bath not to talk of the 24/7 pain . I’ve had bloods done & have been put on starter meds. My joints are very painful & swollen. My immune system is very angry. Yet coping with the everyday has been very tricky. I still have a very busy life to lead & responsibilities to carry. However, I started doing some morning salutations just to get me going and today I went to my usual 2 hr class and my teacher was amazing at checking if the poses felt ok. If they didn’t, she offered me props to help and if they didn’t , she gave me an alternative. I was so happy that I was doing it! Afterwards, I stopped at the beach (my happy place) just so my swollen painful joints could bathe in the sea. Th

It’s not Cancer.

Thank fuck for that! Honestly, worst week in terms of anxiety. I can normally hold my shit together in public but on Thursday , I needed a walk around my office block as I was so agitated. I got to the appointment & the consultant said my results were clear where cancer is concerned. My anxiety was reduced quite drastically. Turns out my theory is correct. It’s my old friend -  Hidradenitis Suppurativa  (whatever you do, do not Google images!) I say HS for short. I thought it might be draining from my armpit to my breast tissue which caused this mass to form.  I’m sad as I honestly don’t know when I’ll be back running. I don’t know when I’ll feel like myself again. I’ve had a few days to wallow, but I’ve decided that I’ve got to make plans to get back to an ok version of where I was. My immune system is totally kicking my arse. I have gone from Half Marathon ready to struggling with stairs in two weeks. This is no April Fools. It's trying to overwhelm m