Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2020

Post partum Anxiety - After Effects of Life after SCBU

That’s a title and a half isn’t it? I haven’t even finished writing Ada’s birth story. I’ve gotten to the bit where she’s taken away. The fact that I seem to be avoiding writing what comes next is very telling. 
Anxiety is not a new thing in my life. I’ve had anxiety for most of my life (which is understandable given the trauma I went through at various points in my life) but this is a different animal with a new symptom. I basically feel like an elephant is sat on my chest/neck for most of the day. Heart palpitations that bring on tears when particularly bad. Even without the palpitations, my eyes leak if my thoughts take me anywhere. For example I was cuddling with Ethan on our first day back and I said “I missed you when I was away” normally that would’ve been it, instead I just started crying. I could be sat watching tv, I think about the fact that the first time I saw my daughter was via a Polaroid photo - I start crying. I also just don’t want her away from me like ever. Saying g…

Lockdown Musings : Being Pregnant in a Pandemic

Thank you Thia from The Honest Mums Club for tagging me so I can share my experience of being pregnant in a pandemic.

I'm currently in my 34th week of pregnancy with just under 1 month to go before Little Miss arrives earthside and I can tell you that Covid19 has done a doozy on my experience. This is going to be my last pregnancy and so I really wanted it to be special - I think we've achieved that in a twisted way.

When I thought of my 3rd trimester, I had images of me nesting in the day, having naps and chilling by the beach until it was time to pick the boys up from schoool. Sounds blissful right? What I ended up with is a lockdown with no end in sight. Having to do home learning with the boys who are fed up of being stuck indoors with me.

I wish I wasn't immunosuppressed coz then I could take them out but I cant so they are stuck with the garden. Which to be honest, they are very lucky to have. It could be much worse not having any outdoor space.

As for Antenatal Care…

Lockdown Musings: Are We Nearly There Yet?!

I am fully behind the whole idea of self isolating especially as I have so many risk factors , however I’ve just done my 4th week, 3 of which my lovely boys have been home from school. This was not how I imagined my last few weeks of pregnancy to be.


It is stressful not knowing when it’ll end. The boys have for the most part been coping ok, I on the other hand miss nature so much. I want to breathe in some sea air, get lost amongst the tall fir trees in the woods. I want to take in the sunset over appley beach.  Yet I am acutely aware that we are the fortunate ones. We have a garden. We aren’t stuck indoors like most of the people who live in urban areas. So I can’t moan too much.

I think I would cope better with this if I wasn’t so pregnant and flaring. I’m throwing up again and I hurt everywhere but can’t see my chiropractor to help so I manage the best way I know how.
Only 6ish weeks left and I genuinely cannot wait to meet her.

Of course let’s not kid ourselves, recovery from a Ca…

Lockdown Musings : Where’s all the unbiased bottle feeding info?

I’ve decided to start a new “series” on my blog during this Lock-down.
How are you all doing with the Lock-down? 🔐 I’ve been doing some Home Learning with my boys (we have Fridays off thank goodness) and I’m prepping for our new arrival. One of the ways I’m doing this is by reading. I dusted off my “The Baby Book” by Dr Sears , re read “Gentle Parenting “ by Sarah Ockwell Smith (I wanted to remind myself about the 4th trimester) & I was looking for a book about bottle feeding (with special requirements). This proved harder to find.

As you know, I had a double mastectomy 9 months ago and prior to that, I breastfed my boys for 3 years each (through allergies, tongue ties & aversions) added to that I’m a trained Breastfeeding Peer Supporter. So I’m firmly on the breastfeeding train.

I wasn’t planning on having more babies (this isn’t a secret - check out the #lastbaby on LJ’s multiple photos on my Instagram profile) so the biggest blow to me wasn’t our surprise baby but the fac…

I'm Pretty Sh*t at This

Let's just come out and say it. The good intentions are there. I mean, I can't count the number of times I have opened my Chromebook to do a blog post and nothing materialising. It sucks how closed off creatively I am when I'm pregnant. I really want to document my new baby's first year like I did with the other two. Although that blog isn't public anymore, It exists - 6 years of my life is on that blog guys. I have loved reading all the posts from when I was deep in the baby stage again. I will make it a book one day for the boys. That is such a precious gift and I want to give her the same. I was meant to write a series of articles for Arthur's Place but because I've just had it tough this pregnancy, nothing's come of it. It makes me a bit disappointed in myself but I just have to remember that i'm dealing with a lot right now.

Where is my Writing Mojo?!

I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat down with my laptop to do some writing and come up short. For most people, they find being pregnant a very creative time. But so far in all 3 pregnancies, it’s a drought.  I’m just going to be honest about it & why I feel it’s that way. 


Usually, I’m depressed right through my pregnancy. My anxiety is raging and I have an almighty urge to run away. This time, I haven’t suffered with depression (even my Winter variety ... touch wood) 
I find pregnancy hardwork not just on my body (my conditions go a bit crazy except RA, it’s chilled right down yay!) but on my mind. I worry about everything even more than I usually do. 
People say, pregnancy suits me which on the surface it does, but I do not feel as good as I look. 
I deal with it all by prepping and planning & researching things. I set goals to help me see that I am progressing and doing so well. My health professionals are so supportive and they also help me see I’m doing well. My family …