Skip to main content

Anniversaries - Memories they Evoke




It has been a whole year since this whole thing began.

Before this I did have multiple challenges that I was juggling whilst trying to lead a kick ass life. This crash that happened last Spring
has been hard but very necessary. I'm the first person to tell my friends and family to cut themselves some slack. I however am not very good at giving myself that slack.

Presentation of RA in Feet - Lucy Benton April 2018
My Feet were so Swollen & Painful - April 2018
This has forced my body into doing down a gear or two. I still punish myself mentally though which is so not the best. I was just speaking about this to my therapist the other day. I give myself a good talking to - CHILL OUT LUCE!  YOU ARE REALLY DOING YOUR BEST. SO WHAT IF YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL. Sometimes I even say these out loud.

I left my job at the charity I was working at in November, I didn't have any downtime really as the business Christmas rush was already ramped up. That didn't really slow down until Christmas week. I had been treating my business like a 9-5 which it shouldn't be seeing as I no longer have the same battery levels that I used to. It's called the Boom & Bust Cycle. I am working hard at correcting this.

It's been quite hard reliving what could easily be one of the hardest years of my life. This is saying something as I have been through numerous traumas. The hardest thing is not having enough energy to do all the things I love to do.

Me on Mother's Day - Feeling Good!
Trying to run a business with Chronic Illnesses is certainly interesting. I get frustrated with the Stop-Start Nature of it all at times but I'm just keeping it going. Bit by little Bit.

 I honestly think Exercise is the key to feeling better. I'm putting in exercise back into my schedule. I used to do Yin Yoga but I'm trying to do it consistently at home , getting back into developing my home practice again. I also have started attending a Pilates Class for those with CFS ( Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) I haven't got CFS but that class is more my pace. I had Breast Surgery 2 weeks ago, Once I heal, I will be doing Aqua Stuff too.

On my good days, my pain levels are minimal but still very much there but I feel mentally good. I have made a habit of taking pictures of those days so I have memories of the good too. It's very important when you are living with a life long illness.

Anyway, what I have learnt through reflecting and looking back is that I absolutely have to nip in the bud the pinning for "the old days". Every time Timehop shows me the long distances I used to run I feel brokenhearted. I can't do that to myself anymore. I'm focusing on the future and how to keep me feeling good.

What are your tips on living your best life?  Comment below!





















Comments

  1. Sounds like both of us that struggle to take our own advice then. This is a bittersweet anniversary, not the kind of thing you want to have to celebrate, and I’m so sorry for how difficult (understatement) the past year has been.

    I think it’s very commendable to run your own business alongside chronic illness. Being unwell, having no energy, it makes anything and everything that bit more difficult. I hope your recovery from the recent breast surgery goes smoothly, and I think the idea of adding gentle exercise when you’re totally ready sounds like a good idea, just to see what works for you. You’re right about the reminiscing side of things, when we look back at how things used to be, those ‘good old days’, it doesn’t do us much good. It’s so important to be focusing on the present, and looking to the future with a little hope, perhaps even more important on those days where it’s harder to do.

    Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I’m new to your blog (you recently visited mine, thank you!) so I’ll check out some older posts now, get to know a bit more about your journey.

    Caz xx

    PS. Take things easy & give yourself some slack! I’m hoping that me telling you this is a little easier to take than telling yourself ;)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Travel : Brussels (Plannercon Europe 2019)

It's been a while since I did a Travel post on here! It's been a Month since I went to Brussels, hard to believe it really. A lot has happened since then!


I bought my earlybird ticket last year, I knew i wanted this adventure to look forward to. I really enjoy travelling as you guys know but I'm finding that I enjoy Solo travel too. Having  RA has meant that I have become cautious and my adventurous spirit has been restless. I have learnt not to count myself out too eagerly. My mobility and stamina might be compromised somewhat but I should still be able to taste life.  Although Plannercon itself was exciting, I loved exploring the home of my favourite detective Hercule Poirot. My favourite bit of the weekend was making new friends. 

I took the Eurostar and chose the Standard ticket ( no accessibility perks) the first thing I noticed was how far back the chair was. I used my Jacket to create some lumbar support and it was fine. 2 hours later, I was in Brussels. I used the …

False Alarms, Friends & Fridays

This week has been an intense one. After the shock of receiving my surgery date quite mundanely on the Thursday before Mr B left for his work trip, I quickly reverted to my trusty coping mechanism - PLANNING.

I rallied friends to help me pick the boys up from school, one to take them to school on the surgery date, my sister to be home as a contingency & Taxis to drive me about for the week.

I agonised over asking friends to pitch in, I’m someone who grew up having to sort her shit out by herself so relying on others doesn’t come naturally, I lamented to geographically distant friends about my conundrum, my fear of appearing to take liberties but they rightly assured me that I should ask.

I’m so glad I did because the response was amazing and a MASSIVE weight off my shoulders. I felt so loved.

The actual date came, Tuesday. Everything ran with Miltary precision. The taxi was on time, We dropped the boys en route to the hospital and I was at the reception desk with 5 mins to spare.

What to put in your Hospital Bag for a Mastectomy

I have scrawled across the internet , read lots of blogs and watched lots of videos. Most of which were of an American slant. I have come to the conclusion that the American hospital system is very different to our good old NHS. I asked lots of people who have been through this too. I also used information from the booklet entitled "Planned Admissions" which I was given when I went in for my Wide Excision back in March.  Putting all the above to use, here is what I have packed in my hospital bag .

Most British hospitals do not have vast amount of space so you are advised to bring a soft bag not a suitcase. I chose my favourite Cath Kidston X Disney Peter Pan Tote. It's not a big bag either.


George Post Surgery PJs (with internal drain management pockets.George Post Surgery Dressing Gown (also with Drain Management)My trusty bedroom bootsFleece BlanketSpare underwearToiletry bag containing Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Deodorant, Face creamNaty Baby Eco Wipes Spare changePrescri…