As a very vocal introverted INFJ , Friendships have always been peculiar to me.
I’m very friendly, easy to get along with HOWEVER, I can count on my fingers the amount of close friends I have. I find it very difficult to be part of a group. My independent streak is way too strong.
Growing up, I always wanted a Anne/Diana kind of friendship which I did have from age 2-11. I think to evaluate my social circles at present, my husband is my bestest friend. Then I have friends from the different circles I frequent, then acquaintances (I have tons of those) .
When I became a Mum the first time, I found it particularly lonely because although I had lots of friends to do things with only a handful actually got to know the real me and the shit I was dealing with (and for them I’m so grateful)
Vulnerability doesn’t come easy to me, having grown up in an environment where that was used to hurt you. I’m slowly absorbing the Brenè Brown idea that vulnerability equals strength.
I think friendship as an adult is hard. Children are much better at it as they don’t have the awkwardness or the inhibitions we do as adults.
I met a new friend recently on the ferry of all places. We just started talking and it turned out we were quite similar & our husbands work in the same industry. It was so strange bumping into someone who prior to that moment had no connection to your world.
I'm having to learn how to nurture a friendship that comes not from hanging out at the same place or working together but just liking each other and trying to get to know each other.
On the other side of the spectrum is knowing how to handle when you are close friends with someone but they don’t tend to include you in their group outings. That can sting more than it should. Or like I experienced approximately 3 years ago, you get invited but it turns out that you might be either too much for them or just not good enough for that group.
I say bollocks to that.
I’m of the school of thought that invites everyone to join in. If you don’t want to, can’t make it, it’s absolutely fine with me.
My inner social circle is even more important to me now I’m living with multiple chronic illnesses that in real world terms mean I tend to isolate.
It’s nice to be invited even if I can’t go.
If you are excluded all the time, pick yourself up and join another activity so you can see if your kind of people are there. You are fabulous the way you are!
To conclude Friendships as an adult is very hard AF but don’t give up, be yourself and your kind of people will find you!