Skip to main content

2019: Start as You Mean To Go On

Happy New Year! I’m so glad to be writing not just for the sake of venting. But just writing! Woohoo! This is the first year I haven’t set goals for myself. When it came to choosing my word for the year, I decided on “ Being”.

After the utter shithole of a year I had in 2018, the most important thing to me is not how many miles I’ve run, what races I’m doing, what job goals to smash, I’ll be focusing on just being.

Not achieving, Just being.

This is harder that you think it is by the way. My mind is 150 miles per hour and being mindful is hard work. Not taking on too much is tough. Not setting huge goals is ridiculously tricky.  That’s just how I’ve always been.

This is not to say I don’t have things I’m working on this year, the key difference is the lack of pressure attached to them.

I’m working with guidelines.

For example : Write More, Finish your Course by June. Simplicity .


For a long time, I've been wondering of oreos & gin is still a good fit for me, I'm still not sure. Only time will tell.

Are you ready for your 2019 adventure? Let me know what you've got planned.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Got An Answer: My Rheumatoid Diagnosis

Back in the spring when I started having what I can only describe as the worst pain ever, I didn't know how things would pan out for me. I've been through some really dark times (even for me .. *titter* ) I went from full pelt Half Marathon Training (my last run being just over 10 miles) to hobbling out of bed and struggling with the stairs.



The worst thing for me was aside from my obviously painful swollen ankles, I looked the same. It didn't seem like my whole body was on fire. The crippling fatigue & worst still the shroud of hopelessness that engulfed me.

I didn't miss one day of work even though some days i'd rather be knocked out than endure one second of the day. I still did the parent thing. The partner thing. The business owner thing.
I now know better because yet again, I pushed through and would end up crashing at weekends.

It all started with a mass in my breast. I wrote about it here & explored more here.

 To catch up, read the posts between t…

How the eff is this my life? - Moving Forward After a Hard Knock.

Do you ever have those days when all you can say is “how the fuck is this my life?”
Sometimes said in a Wow! I’m killing it but mostly said in bewilderment. I try and be present and aware of  what’s happening around me & within me, however I’m also guilty of zoning out and getting through my days in a perpetual daze. Occasionally you look up and you are stunned at what your life has become.



When this happens, you may be anxious or feel helpless about where you’ve ended up. Either through your own choices or the cards you’ve been dealt. I just wanted to write today, it’s never too late to make changes in order to achieve the life you want.

I’ve been saying that phrase lately but I know that life changes and we’ve got to adapt the best way we know how. So for me, I know with my new diagnosis, I can’t take on as much like I used to.
I need to give myself wiggle room in my schedule. I have to be kind to myself and say no to things I really want to do so I can function better. I need …

It’s not Cancer.

Thank fuck for that! Honestly, worst week in terms of anxiety. I can normally hold my shit together in public but on Thursday , I needed a walk around my office block as I was so agitated. I got to the appointment & the consultant said my results were clear where cancer is concerned. My anxiety was reduced quite drastically.

Turns out my theory is correct. It’s my old friend - Hidradenitis Suppurativa (whatever you do, do not Google images!)


I say HS for short. I thought it might be draining from my armpit to my breast tissue which caused this mass to form. 
I’m sad as I honestly don’t know when I’ll be back running. I don’t know when I’ll feel like myself again. I’ve had a few days to wallow, but I’ve decided that I’ve got to make plans to get back to an ok version of where I was. My immune system is totally kicking my arse. I have gone from Half Marathon ready to struggling with stairs in two weeks. This is no April Fools. It's trying to overwhelm me. But I cannot let it.