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I Knew a Girl Once...

I’ve been a plethora of emotions this past weekend.... yesterday was particularly ridiculous. One minute I was pottering, doing my thing next I was cross, sad, happy. My heart knows. Even when my brain hasn’t clicked yet.

The 10th of December,2005 will always be significant to me. That’s the date I came face to face with grief.  My cousin, Owanari died that day. Before then when people I loved died, like my grandma in 1999, for example I was sad. But for some reason maybe a combination of our close relationship & my age at the time , I was a walking wound when Owanari died . I couldn’t sleep for months, and my eyes would just start leaking without me knowing.

Every time the story came on the news, it would lead me to obsessively research the incident . I wanted to know everything about what happened.

This year, I just want to share some memories I have of her.

My earliest is one Christmas, I was staying with them that year whilst my mum did her Masters. Santa brought me a doll with her own woven cradle, Nana being a toddler at the time, wanted to play with it but my 5yr old self wouldn’t yield it over. She bit me for it, I remember her being told off for biting, we made up like siblings do after a while.

Before my sister came along, she was like a sister to me. We’re not even biological cousins, her mum & my mum have been the closest of friends since before we were born. We were used to crossing the country to spend school holidays with each other’s families.

My last memory is after our family holiday to Togo in August, 2005, we were just chilling at her grandparents house in Lagos. Pussy Cat Dolls were huge that summer and she was showing me a dance she’d made up for ‘Don’t cha’.

These memories aren’t extravagant, they are just everyday life. It doesn’t make them any less special though.

People deal with death & grief in different ways.

Being sentimental like I am, I attach songs to events & memories.

Tangled up in my grief that year, was also a different kind of grief, the realisation that I was growing up & things in my life would never be the same.

There’s more to say about this but I think I’ll stop here. I’d leave you with this quote & the reminder to take care of yourself this season.






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