Little Ways We Evolve

Little Ways We Evolve - Hair

Now that's an odd title for a blog post but bare with.
My hair is a very accurate barometer for where I am in my head. Anytime there's a change (first time I lopped it off- leaving home for boarding school at 11 & then preggo with 1st kid ) or even more pressing, a dip into the pit of depression (the other times it's been cut off). Anytime things are overwhelming, I reach for the clippers . It gives me a sense of liberty that I can't actually replicate. However this time around, I'm cutting my curls off because I actually can't keep up with the demands of coloured hair care. My life is too busy & active to be doing with the whole shebang.

During my runs I can feel the heat radiating through my fro. I'm not a fan. What I'll miss though are my crazy curls. I love them so much!! Missing them made me try growing them out. I even gave my hubby strict instructions to not let me cut them off. You see, I know what I'm like!

I'll probably just dye it brown & then see how I feel by Christmas: if I still want to cut it off then I'll begin the year with my grade 2 hair cut.
For now, we wait!

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Got An Answer: My Rheumatoid Diagnosis

Back in the spring when I started having what I can only describe as the worst pain ever, I didn't know how things would pan out for me. I've been through some really dark times (even for me .. *titter* ) I went from full pelt Half Marathon Training (my last run being just over 10 miles) to hobbling out of bed and struggling with the stairs.

The worst thing for me was aside from my obviously painful swollen ankles, I looked the same. It didn't seem like my whole body was on fire. The crippling fatigue & worst still the shroud of hopelessness that engulfed me.

I didn't miss one day of work even though some days i'd rather be knocked out than endure one second of the day. I still did the parent thing. The partner thing. The business owner thing.
I now know better because yet again, I pushed through and would end up crashing at weekends.

It all started with a mass in my breast. I wrote about it here & explored more here.

To catch up, read the posts between t…

How the eff is this my life? - Moving Forward After a Hard Knock.

Do you ever have those days when all you can say is “how the fuck is this my life?”
Sometimes said in a Wow! I’m killing it but mostly said in bewilderment. I try and be present and aware of what’s happening around me & within me, however I’m also guilty of zoning out and getting through my days in a perpetual daze. Occasionally you look up and you are stunned at what your life has become.

When this happens, you may be anxious or feel helpless about where you’ve ended up. Either through your own choices or the cards you’ve been dealt. I just wanted to write today, it’s never too late to make changes in order to achieve the life you want.

I’ve been saying that phrase lately but I know that life changes and we’ve got to adapt the best way we know how. So for me, I know with my new diagnosis, I can’t take on as much like I used to.
I need to give myself wiggle room in my schedule. I have to be kind to myself and say no to things I really want to do so I can function better. I need …

It’s not Cancer.

Thank fuck for that! Honestly, worst week in terms of anxiety. I can normally hold my shit together in public but on Thursday , I needed a walk around my office block as I was so agitated. I got to the appointment & the consultant said my results were clear where cancer is concerned. My anxiety was reduced quite drastically.

Turns out my theory is correct. It’s my old friend - Hidradenitis Suppurativa (whatever you do, do not Google images!)

I say HS for short. I thought it might be draining from my armpit to my breast tissue which caused this mass to form.
I’m sad as I honestly don’t know when I’ll be back running. I don’t know when I’ll feel like myself again. I’ve had a few days to wallow, but I’ve decided that I’ve got to make plans to get back to an ok version of where I was. My immune system is totally kicking my arse. I have gone from Half Marathon ready to struggling with stairs in two weeks. This is no April Fools. It's trying to overwhelm me. But I cannot let it.
…

Oreos & Gin

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